October already?!

Why does time fly so quickly and then stand still at other moments? I've been asking Tagen & Aveda if they could just stop growing already and stay little forever. Tagen responded with an emphatic "no... I will be big like Goliath." "Just so long as we can still cuddle and be silly," I replied, and he agreed to that. I realized it was February when I last posted and how much has happened since then... Tagen is 5 'and tree quarters' and Aveda Violet turned 4 in July! We got to celebrate her special day in Oregon visiting Gramma & Poppy and Gigi. Just today she asked if we could go back and visit and go fishing again as she remembered those wiggly fish and how funny they were when they would flip and flop their tails and splash water on her. Tagen 'graduated' preschool in May and had a special lil' ceremony and now he is a kindergardener! He is loving his school and Mrs. Taba, his teacher except for having to wake up in the mornings. He's not exactly a morning kinda kid. He's playing soccer again this year and has 3 other lil' boys on his team. (There's only 3 on the field at one time) He loves it this year! Lil' miss Aveda has begun pre-school at Kalaheo Missionary - just around the corner from Tagen's school. Words cannot even describe how much she loves her school. Whenever it is not a school day she longs for it and constantly talks about it, asks about it, recalls stories of it etc... Pretty cute. I didn't realize until her being there that most of her friends are Tagen's friends or siblings thereof so it is pretty special to her to have made some friends all by herself! I miss both Tagen and Aveda like crazy when they go off to school but I have seen so many good things already in their little lives as a result of going and it makes our times together that much sweeter & more meaningful.
I came across an article recently entitled, "Why don't friends with kids have time?"... a woman (who doesn't have kids) wondering what her friend who has kids does all day and why she didn't have time to call... I liked it so i am reposting the answer to her:
"I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard.... When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out bed, fed, cleaned, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kids, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; ... it's needing 45 minutes to do what takes other 15.
It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to second tier.
It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.
It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything -- language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiousity, creativity. Empathy. Everything.
It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling someone back..."
This article struck a chord with me because I could relate on many levels. How many times I have been asked "what do you do all day?" and really, how am I supposed to respond to that? This did sum it up so well. Although it does err on the side of doing it all with a cynical attitude even though at the end it does say "this is a joy". I really do consider it a joy. I LIKE being a mom. I LIKE being with my kids and all that it entails. I am honored and blessed to have this role and even though I the season has changed from baby/toddler-hood and all those demands (which actually leaves me a bit melancholy) I love this season that we are in and all the new questions and things we get to do all day. Even though they are 4 and 5, and in school too, I am still mama and going from morning til night.

pictures:


family photo from our trip to Oregon, unfortunately Kyle couldn't make the trip. I thought of photoshopping him into this one but realized how cheezy that would look.


Uncle Garrett and Tagen built this pirate lego ship!


Tagen's first day of Kingergarten!


Aveda V's first day of Pre-school!


Tagen has become good friends with the boy in the front (Jesse) and is on the same soccer team too! He's a big teddy bear.


and just because I love this photo

gratitude

“Gratitude is truly my life preserver. Even in the most turbulent waters, choosing gratitude rescues me from myself and my runaway emotions. It buoys me on the grace of God and keeps me from drowning in what otherwise would be my natural bent toward doubt, negativity, discouragement, and anxiety. Over time, choosing gratitude means choosing joy…” – Nancy Leigh Demoss

Holy Heat Wave...

So it's "fall break" here on Kauai.... Tagen Train started pre-school in August and the schools run year-round here so there's a bunch of random 'breaks' through-out the whole year. He's LOVE-ing school so far and we're super impressed with the place and the teachers. Aveda and I have been able to join him on all the field trips and drop in whenever to hang out. The only thing I would change is somehow figuring a way to terminate all misquitos. Nightmare! Poor guy comes home with welts almost daily. grrrr. Aside from this, all is good.

Since ... Sunday there's been the craziest heat-wave here. (yeah so today is only Wednesday but we feel like we've been living in this for a month alreadY!) Kona winds (meaning NO WIND), muggy, HOT. Can't complain though because we have the privilege of pretty much living at the beach. This evening it was literally too hot to even be in our house so we packed up the kiekis and headed off to PK's - a beach where Kyle likes to surf. The beach itself is sorta sandy, sorta rocky. The kids and I don't typically hang out at this one because of how the waves crash on the shore and the reef under the water. But today - I didn't even care where we went as long as it involved us out of the house and in some form of cool water. Tagen has been, since about July, on an unusually brave streak which is pretty fun (oK, sometimes heart palpatating - is that a word? - for mama to watch)... Dada's been taking him out to the big waves to surf and duck-dive those big waves. And this evening I buckled on his life-vest and he didn't even wait for me but just charged right into the shore-break and out into the ocean. Aveda, on the other hand, has been having an unusually timid streak lately. So she sat, fully content, on the sand and watch and I went out to swim with Tagen. (For anyone reading this thinking I am a crazy mama who leaves her 3 year-old on the beach to fend for herself, it's just not case! This is a SUPER mellow place where she's not gonna get stolen and my eyes are stuck on her like glue. Besides, I'm really only like 20 or 30 feet from her....) I then decided I was was gonna break this girl of her timid fear of the waves. (Who knows why... maybe it was the heat) So I swam back to shore, popped the neon orange floaties on her arms and carried her (screaming) to the water. She screamed "I WANNA GO BACK DERRR (pointing to the shore) as we swam all the way out to where Tagen. This continued for about 3 minutes and then... she realized... it was JUST. LIKE. THE. POOL! (that she is in love with right now) and she stopped crying and had the HUGEST grin on her face and I couldn't even get the girl OUT of the ocean for a good hour! success. So we had such a blast swimming and playing out in the water. And it was the first time Tagen's really been swimming far out and at a place where there is TONS of reef fishies so I put his goggles on him and how i WISH i had video of him because I don't think words could possibly do justice to how excited he was over all the fish he was seeing right beneath him. He'd hold his breath and stick his head down under water and then pop up so excited and talking so fast I really couldn't understand what he was saying about those fish and then he'd throw is head back down before he even finished talking. And on and on it went like this for quite some time. So now, as you might imagine, they are sleeping soundly in the next room over with the ceiling fan on high because it's STILL so hot. And a side note - I don't know how this got started but every night before I leave the room I tell the kids "I'll see ya when the sun comes up" and Tagen replies "I'll see you when da sun come up!" and for some odd reason Aveda always replies "I'll see ya wen da moon come up mama!" It's been a good, hot, day.


ps - Dada's been teaching Tagen how to ride bike... hopefully this video works oK

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time there was a mama who took her two young kids to the doctor because kid B got kid A sick. They went to this same doctor for Kid B a week ago but now it was Kid A's turn because his fever and cough were just getting worse & worse. So there they were in the doctor's office waiting... and waiting... and waiting. They waited so long you see because Friday is not a good day to go to the doctor as a walk-in patient... everyone's trying to get in before the weekend and then there's all those people who already had appointments and so on. So they waited.
Finally doctor called em in and thought Kid A's lungs sounded pretty yucky in there... a lot like asthma in fact. He went on to show mama with his handy-dandy flashlight thingy that Kid A had broken a whole bunch of capillaries on the soft pallet of the roof of his mouth from coughing so hard! ouch. So doctor thought it best to send mama and Kid A and Kid B over to get Kid A an x.ray.... There they went and there they played the waiting game... again.
As they waited Kid B thought it was a good idea to lick the hospital chair which made mama gag and nurse lady run over promptly with paper and crayons to keep Kidlings a little busier than licking hospital chairs. Kid A was soon called in... x-ray done and back they went to doctor. As he and mama looked at the x-ray it was concluded that at the least Kid A had bronchitis and that he could possibly have asthma too which is not unlikely seeing that whenever Kid A gets sick it immediately turns respiratory.
So off they went to get a nebulizer and antibiotics and finally mama, Kid A and B made it home. Breathing treatment done. Medicine taken but there's a new twist to this lil' fairytale... Kid A tells mama he just swallowed a marble! Naturally she responds with "Why didn't you do that BEFORE we had the x-ray?!" okay maybe not but she's been diggin' through his poops ever since looking for some sign of it coming out the other end. What a day. What a day.




And to dada of Kid A and B - what a good dada you are. We love you to the moon and back!

scroll down...

so i realized there was an old post i wrote but never posted... scroll down a lil' and you can see it... besides that i'll just post some pictures. enjoy!

bye-bye binkie...

incredible. it's official. we have two kids who do not need binkies. i never thought this day would come. no that's not true. i knew it would come, i just can't believe it is here. It has been over a week and lil' miss A. has taken both naps (or at least stayed in the room) and gone nigh-nigh withOUT her beloved binkie!!! For how incredible this is she really didn't put up much of a fight about it either which in an of itself amazes me knowing her strong lil' personality. I guess she was more ready than I was. I mean it really feels like the last bit of her babyhood I'm having to say goodbye to and so yes, it's true, I was more attached to that binkie than SHE was! HA, go figure.

So i had this brilliant idea of "helping" her "let go" of the binkie by asking her one night if she wanted to plant a 'binkie tree' the next morning. I told her how it would grow and grow and then lil' birdie mamas could come get binkies for their baby birdies and so on - making it sound real magical and stuff. Her reply: "no mama, i don't tink dat a veewy good ideer. i tink we sood pwant a pineappaw (pineapple) twee instead." well oookay lil' practical one. Way to burst my magical bubble (0: I'm proud of her - how easily she made this and the potty training transitions... and i am sooo thankful for her. Just can't believe how quickly she is growing up.

Dear Tagen Train....

SO i just realized there've been a few posts that I had written yet never posted. Better late than never i suppose... This one's for Tagen's 4th birthday: January 30, 2009

Today you turned 4. FOUR... i think i'll have to keep saying it until i really get it through my head that my first-born, my little guy as already FOUR! crazy. you are so proud and i can just tell you feel so OLD when you've been able to say today that you are 4! that is too cute for words. You have a very specific look for moments like these and i can't help but smile. You raise your eye-brows, close your eyes about half way, move your eyes to the side, stick your chin out some and tilt your head a lil' bit... and then you usually put your hands on your hips while you raise your eyebrows up and down nodding your head very slowly. I hope you'll do this forever and i have a feeling you will because i've been looking through old photos and videos of you since babyhood days (because our computer had 7000+ photos on them and i was in dire need of getting them off before losing them forever!) and i see some of the same faces you make now that you made even when you were tiny... the happy, the sad, the worried, the mad, ecstatic, the bored, the frustrated, the content... you are a boy of so many expressions. This is something I do so love about you because i always know what you are thinking.

So we've lived in kauai this past year of your life and you've accomplished a lot this year... your balance is getting better all the time and you're really good at standing on your 'surfboard' down at the beach, you climb your 'monkey-bar tree' (the avocado tree) all the time with Aveda, you've learned how to hop on one foot, spin in a 360 on your heel (and you've learned it's even better when you wear socks), you make insane rocket ships out your leggos, you've taken your drawings to a new level, in the past couple weeks you decided you don't need naps anymore (at this point mom panics; your guys' naps have meant more to me than you will ever know... until you become a dad), you are almost as tall as a buffalo (well that's what the picture on your growth chart is next), perhaps the biggest milestone of this year (which occured only about 3 or 4 weeks ago is that you go DO-DO in the POTTY!!!!! yes it took you nearly a year and you sure weren't givin' in for any convincing or disciplinin' we'd give you but you apparently decided it was the right thing to do and so you DID iT one day and have done it ever since. THANK YOU! thank you. did i say, thank you?

You are definitely a cautious boy - an observer - i love to watch you watching others as this is the one time i can only imagine what you must be thinking; once you see what fun someone is having you don't want to stop once you join in on the action (i actually really really appreciate this about you, i think we may have avoided a lot of painful injuries so far because of this part of your personality)... you are the silliest kid i've ever met, LOVING to make people laugh and learning much more about what a 'joke' is... you are also the sweetest kid i've ever met (ok maybe i'm a bit biased) but seriously, you have a sort of empathy in you that makes you think about others in a way i haven't seen in other kids your age. I love this about you. You are thoughtful and contemplative and are learning to be a gentlema. I have taught you that we serve girls first and I laugh out loud at how quick you are to correct me if I accidently serve YOU before Aveda. We love you bug and are so happy to share this life with you in our family!

cultivating joy

I read this recently on another blog and felt so much in agreement with it that I had to post it up

I think that when you do challenging things, you make a trade. You trade one thing for another, and you may trade something like convenience or the zoo for color and the rustle of coconut trees.... But the circumstances that you have found yourself in cannot define who you are.

Everyone has to decide what they will spend their life looking for. I learned a few years back that happiness is a shifty creature. Happiness is not easily found, or when found, is as elusive as a jellyfish. You can’t hold onto it. My emotions are all over the place, folks. Blame it on artistic temperament, genes, or maybe I’m just sulky, but I know that I cannot count on feeling a certain way for any length of time. Happiness. It’s something that happens to you and then whoops! There it goes.

No, I can’t follow after that. My life must take a more intentional path.

My tagline is Cultivating Joy. We all have many things that we can cultivate, things that don’t happen to us, but that we go out and water everyday, things that wrap their little shoots around their neighbors and need to be staked and cared for and checked for bugs. Like joy. Like love, thankfulness, kindness, honesty, choosing not to be offended, choosing to see the best in others, refraining from ill wishes or gossip.

What I mean is that I wouldn’t use the word happy to define my life. Neither would I say that I am more productive when I am happy. I know that I am the most productive when I embrace and fully receive the truth of the unfailing love of God who made me. (Because when I do, I am not telling myself the evil mantra: you’re no good, it’s your fault, you will fail, and I can shut those voices out and just have fun making stuff and loving people.) I know that the words that define my life are loved, blessed, supported, sure, steady, secure, at peace, content, broken, thankful, hopeful and waiting. There are probably many more.

The only thing I wouldn't trade for the world and anything it had to offer is my beautiful family...

Aveda prayer tonight...

see if you can translate... I tried as best I could through the binkie she was holding between her teeth...
um, Jeeezuuus, tank You fo taygin (Tagen) an' fo me babies an' dolliees an' my feeeeet an' my tooowzzz (as she's grabbing her toes) an' um Jeeeezuuus, tank You fo Jonah (typing does not do justice to how cute she says her lil' friend Jonah's name) an' Wyan (Ryan) an' Tofa (Topher) an' um tank You fo' mama an' fo mama an' fo me tooowzzz an' me babies an' binkie an bwankie an' taygin an' ... (sometimes she'll pause and I really think she's done but really she's just thinking earnestly about what else to pray about - pretty dang cute) an' my books, i wuv my books. And Jeeezuuus, tanks fo' dada an' mustawd (Mustard) my bed an'
Tagen interrupts and says "and aAAAAmen!"
Aveda retorts back: "NO! my still pwayin'! You go get in yo bed taygin. my still pwayin'!"
thankfully Tagen doesn't take this too personally and continues listening to her.
... and Jeeezzuuus tank You fo my toes.

Tagen comments...

Deep in thought while sitting in his carseat contemplating is hands... mom asks, "whatchya thinking about Tagen?" and he replies, "oh, I'd just really like to have some more fingers... one here, and one here" (pointing to other parts on his hand).

Having a rough time going to bed tonight and mom asks from a different room, "what do you need Tagen?" no reply... "what do you need Tagen?" finally he replies, "a time-out?"

wanting a bite of daddy's burger, "can I have a bite of your Burger King daddy?" i swear this child eats at Burger King only once every number of months. Obviously it has made a BIG impression.

when lying in his bed at night and he wants to come out of his room but knows that we always tell him aveda will follow... he turns to her in her little bed next to his and says, "Beyda, no come out. say otay, otay?! say otay!" aveda... "otay" really funny and cute to overhear their conversations...

Dear You...

I came across this prayer recently on a blog of another mom I read when I can. It just resounded with my heart in more ways than one. Don't we all come to this place at some or many points?... it is a good thing that God is not content leaving us where we're at and a painful thing at times. Like just when we get comfortable it seems like He does something to up and draw us nearer to Himself - sometimes thru joy... at other times pain... anyways, I love the way she writes...

Dear You,

The Youest of Yous. The Dancing One, the Singing in my blood, the One who moves and breathes and loves me always.

So here we are again, we’ve been here before. I have a theory that You bring me here on purpose. Is it true?

Because this circle comes around again and again, and now I am at the start, where I’m kicking like a baby, resisting change with all of my might.

We box. You block all of my punches and never hit back.

I run to You, then pull away because I am more than a little upset. Why are You always bringing me to my limits? It doesn’t feel fair.

Every day lately I wake up with what feels like a fat furry cat sitting on my chest. It’s heavy and I can’t breathe and there’s that stupid cat dander that makes my eyes itch. I struggle to get out of bed because this cat feels like fear. Where is the fear from? Why is it heavy on me? Whose cat is this, anyways?

I remember the pattern from the past. You remind me, most excellent of friends, when I take the time to listen. You say, “We’ll get through this.” You say, “We’ll be a little closer, my love.” You say, “You’ll drop a few more of those ideas of yours, the ones about your self-sufficiency, your big plans for yourself, your need to be perfect, to keep it all together, to fix everything by your own small self.” You say, “Lean into it, don’t push away.” You say, “There are greener things than you can imagine, sweeter smelling days than you’ve ever known. Just wait. Just wait.”

But I feel alone and the fear is ever-present and I’m not sure why I have to do this again. Remind me?

I know there is a changing. There is the kicking and the pushing and then slowly my resistance fades, I go limp, I fall in, and then I learn contentment again. It has been this way so many times before. All the places I have been, the homes I have lived in, all the deserts, all the valleys. Even on the peaks. It is the newness I resist, the loss of what has been. It is the small etchings I have carved into the wood in places all around me, reminding me of who I am, of what my name is. Leaving these things brings a tearing that I don’t think I could have imagined.

Now I have only You to remind me. You and the faces of my family. It is enough.

And after the tearing comes a divine healing and Your hands surround me and I have obeyed and You have promised. And there are new things, there are sweet things and the ocean will fold over me and not throw me, it will rock me like a child. It is better than before, it is larger and more spacious than clinging to the old ways. You lead me into ever opening rooms.

It is good that we will have a long time together, my Friend. One day I will look back on all of this and say, “You told me so.” So just, please, help me now, when I am still blind and foolish and inwardly about two years old.

All my love. You know You have my heart.

lil' miss Aveda Violet turned TWO today...

lil' miss,
you woke up today no longer a little one year old. how is it possible that just a year ago you were still such a little baby and now it seems you're on the verge of pre-teen?... ok maybe not quite that far yet but I just cannot believe you have lived two years already! i remember so clearly sitting in the hospital just after you were born. It was such a hot hot day in santa barbara and we were so stoked to be in the air conditioned room of Goleta Valley. You were born with a full head of thick black hair and big brown eyes. In an instant you made your older brother go from our little baby boy to looking huge and old. How tiny you were next to him... I'm not sure how he felt about you entering our family and taking the place of the "baby" of the fam but I know that he adores you now. Although there's some fighting (which i think you instigate most of the time) he always wants you around. I've even asked him if wants to go places just him and daddy or just him and mommy and he always replies, "well, beyda's gotta come too awright?!"
We love you lil' miss...
As you are now a two-year-old we've really seen your personality unfold over this past year. You are somethin' of a phenomena...
so fiesty yet so loving... tough and yet such a girlie girl... still need help with things but so sure of yourself and want to do things your way, say things your way and correct others when they're not 'your way' ... you're so into your books and will go off and read em for an hour babbling to yourself ... you've gotten into this strange habit of lining things up in some funky order (like all the stuff from your dollhouse, or your stuffed animals or really whatever else you come across) ... you're an independent little one but
I love that you are still my lil' cuddle bug. I love your hugs and the way you grab the sides of my cheeks with your chubby little hands and kiss me smack on the lips so hard that it probably shouldn't even be called a kiss. But you do it with such sincerity that all I can do is laugh. I love how you wrap your short little arms around my neck to hug me so tight I can let go and you hang on me like a baby monkey. Whenever I lie down on the couch or the ground you run over to cuddle. I hope you'll always do this my little lovebug. We love you so much and just thank Jesus for the spunk and charisma you bring to our family!

good times in the maligro yard...

the Are you kidding me Day

thought you might appreciate the insanity of our day on um, Thursday i think it was. well Aveda has had this eye goop goin' for like well over a month so i finally took her to the eye doc. thursday and he took a sample of the guck -mmm and thought maybe it's staph or some bacterial infection. anyways, he prescribed this ointment where i'm supposed to pull down her lower eye lid and squirt a 1/2 inch strip (it's the consistency of vaseline) into each eye 3 TIMES A DAY! thinking to myself: she's 22 months old - are you kidding me?! he suggests doing it while she's sleeping so she wouldn't fight me. is this worth waking a sleeping baby over? no. i'm ready to do battle with this child.
anyways, it took an hour and 1/2 too long in there but finally we got out and had to go to Wal-Mart to get the prescription filled. I called kyle to give him a heads up because he had Tagen at home. When i dropped the prescription off they told me it would take an HOUR! oh Lord - it was like 5pm by now so i knew Aveda was getting hungry. Not fun when you're stuck in a store for a long long time and couldn't do anything to hurry it up. Then i got a phone call from my hubby and this is how it went (side note: I'd been giving Tagen these homeopathic tablets by Hylands called "Sniffles n Sneezes 4 kids" cause he's had a little runny nose and it's supposed to kick it early. the serving size for him is 2 tablets)
kyle: "um, how many tablets were left in that bottle?"
me: "mmm, it was at least 1/2 full, maybe 40 or 50?"
kyle: "okay, well, um he ate them all."
me: "WHAT?! are you kidding me?! thinking to myself ' where the hell were YOU while he downed this bottle of pills?!' managed to refrain that one and told him to hang up and call Poison Control right away.
kyle: "are you serious?"
me: thinking "are you kidding? - there's that phrase... again... the kid just ate more than 20 times the amount he should have" i had to just hang up.
So he calls me back a few minutes later and the guy at poison control said he should be alright. He'll probably have a tummy ache but he's not gonna die. I'm still doubting that fact and praying the dumbest most repetitive prayers. Finally a painful hour at wal-mart goes by and we go back to pick up the prescription. The lady at pick-up tells me "oh, looks like there's a problem. Go see that lady over there."
oh you gotta be kidding me... again...
"That Lady Over There" says to me: "oh sorry, we couldn't read the prescription and the doctor has left his office so you'll have to wait til tomorrow morning to get it filled." (mind you we live a good 20 min. from this Wal-mart.)
I take the prescription out of her hand, look at it and can read and tell her exactly what it says.
She looks at it again... pause... hmm, well yeah that's maybe what it could say but I can't take your word for it, only the doctor's.
She goes to file it for the next morning but i get that thing back to get it filled somewhere else. Don't ya love days like this?!

Mama's day...

Dang i've got a wonderful family! Getting to sleep in with Kid A and greeted by hubby who carried coffee and a scone from the shop down the road - a good good way to start the day. We got to spend much of the day at Mahalapu - a beach off the beaten path somewhat... we danced in the rain, drew in the sand, surfed on the waves and wiped poop with my bare hands off little miss' bottom. mm, that last one wasn't so fun and let me tell you, scrubbing with sand and washing in saltwater does NOT take the stink off. Aside from that we had a blast at the beach and the kids took super good naps after we got home. That to me was the bestest gift they could've thought of to give me! Good time with family is priceless.

been a while...

so it's been a while since the last post... thought some pictures would be better than lots of words. Since Tagen's birthday we've been on a trip to the Big Island to see Kyle's dad - the kids call him Papa and his wife Momo... we've been on an easter egg hunt... we've been to the beach plenty times... watching the little monkeys grow and develop in amazing ways. These kids are tight - they love each other so much & it's a blessing to witness...

Tagen Train Turned Tree Today!

Our little beloved Train...
Today you turned THREE years old! It really is hard to believe how quickly time can fly when moment by moment it can seem to go so slow sometimes. I measured you on our growth chart today and you are now taller than a peacock! You grow quickly little man! And you are cuter than ever in the things you think of to say. Just a few days ago you were sitting on the couch with your auntie looking at all the freckles on her arm. You laid your head in her lap and were looking up at the ceiling obviously deep in thought. The ceiling in our living room is wood with lots of knots and different shades of browns and you said, "look at all the freckles on our ceiling!"... You have also been interested in what Jesus has made. "Did Jesus make da clouds?" you ask. "Did Jesus make Beyda? me? you?! Mustard?" ... the more you've learned to talk the more and more questions you ask. I think it was just in the past few months you learned the question "why?" You used to say "where?" which never made any sense why you asked where so i usually wouldn't answer but that would obviously frustrate you because I think the whole time you meant to say "why?" oh man. So once you got that straightened out, that's taken our conversations to an entirely new level to where sometimes I just have to say "because" and thankfully, for now, you are satisfied with that answer and sweetly reply, "oh."

I was recently reading an article about the importance of raising a boy to be tough - I'm not talking about one who fights and never cries and never admits weakness because many men like that are called tough but inside are often weak and insecure. Rather the kind of boy who becomes a man who is tough in his inner being making his spirit resilient in the face of adversity. One who is so strengthened in his spirit that he will not allow obstacles to stop him or the pounding of public opinion to deter him. When everyone misunderstands, he does not succumb to self-doubt.
My son, whatever path you choose in life will be littered with signs that say, "closed to you; you can't do it; this is for people more talented or advantaged; you can't make a difference." And if you believe the signs and stop to ponder, you will hear voices saying, "You are not important; no one cares; it is not worth it; quit now." The weak ones go no further. They settle down and accept the lot that is handed to them and spend the rest of their lives unhappy and unfulfilled. Not you Tagen Train. It is my deep prayer for you today my son that YOU will never believe those signs and never slow down to listen to those voices. Granted it may be that you won't win a Nobel prize or be recognized with applause at a banquet; but how I pray that you will know in your heart that at the end of your days you have run the course and overcome the hardships to conquer, even in the little areas that only matter to a quiet few. You will not be a quitter, slacker, or buck passer. At the end of your life, you will have tasted of the sweetness, heard the music, and worn the crown of victory. It is not a tough exterior that matters in the end. It is a tough spirit, an overcoming spirit, a spirit of service. My love may you be able to say, "I have lived, and it was good... very, very good." By the grace of God we will raise you to be tough and faithful the way God wants you to be so that you will be able to reap many many good fruits from these priceless characteristics.
We love you to the moon and back our little superhero!

oh and did i mention california???

i think i forgot to mention the aveda & i traveled to california about a month ago. perhaps because only now am i just about fully recovered from this excursion. it was the first time just the boys were alone for a number of consecutive days in row and just the girls too. we went for garrett (my brother) & rachel's wedding which was awesome to witness, attend and celebrate with them and for the most part travels went well. It's a stinking long flight from hawaii to california - moreso when you have a 16 month old to travel with. But being used to toting around a 16 month old AND a 2, almost 3 year old, traveling seemed a lot easier. Until the day after the wedding (the day before we were to fly back home) and aveda started throwing up. mmm, awesome to deal with when you're away from home. By God's grace, we had already planned to drive up and see my good friend Heather for the day... so this is where we were heading when disaster struck. Blueberry throw up on the car ride up... we made it to heathers... thought maybe it was just some fluke thing... rested a little - got us all cleaned up, hopped in the car to go downtown santa barbara... got maybe 100 yards down the road and she threw up again. oh Lord... this was a nasty one. Oh how grateful i am for my dear friend Heather. Who else would have cleaned up my own child's vomit and been ok with it?! Who else would have so graciously kept me in her home all day with my sick pukey baby alongside her own two kids who easily could have caught this same bug?!
So the day went on... nothing like I had expected to spend this rare occasion of being in SB again but looking back I wouldn't have wanted to be in anyone else's home at that time. The saga continued however as we were trying so hard to delay my flight thinking I would have to travel home with a sick sick child. Did I mention Thanksgiving was 4 days later? Making it virtually impossible to change the flight. Well that and the fact that daddy wanted me back exactly when he'd expected. Ugh. ok I was thankful he was taking care of kid A and all but I wasn't really feelin' the sympathy of dealing with pukey kid B... anyways, agreeing to come home the next morning we had to do more loads of laundry, wash vomit off of blankie for the third? time, and pack up to leave for LA that evening where we would spend the night to be there in time for the flight the next morning. So we (me, aveda, heather and her baby oliver) leave the house... made it further down the freeway this time and alas, baby threw up... again. Mom starts crying - can't DO this! i cried. Did i mention Heather's an ER nurse? We go to the ER to see about getting some super pricey anti-nausea pills for aveda for the plane ride home only to find out Doc. thinks it's not the best thing to give a baby on a plane. Frustration is a word that pales in comparison to what i was feeling at this moment in time. We take a hospital sheet to cut up and use as rags if needbe on the airplane. We leave the ER and go grab some food since heather and I am so starving it's about to do us in. After one more little pukey episode just before pulling away from the curb, off we drive to LA. We make it there - not exactly a place any mom would want to stay with her sick baby for the night but mostly because NO place but home or back at Heather's would suffice at this point. We made it through the night. Next morning we're all cleaned up, packed up, ready to leave... standing in the lobby waiting for the shuttle to take us to the airport and oh no... she's making those noises again... oh Lord please no. She threw up again - all over me - neck to waist, my shirt is wet. So I had a change of clothes for the both of us in my carry on bag but here's the dilemma. What if she does this again later and it's even worse than this and then i have nothing to change into?! So I stay in my pukey shirt and off we go to the airport. HOW are we going to make it home?
I know lots of people were praying for us at this point and by the grace of God aveda did not throw up the entire plane ride. In fact, not only did she not throw up, it was probably the easiest possible plane ride that one could have with a 16 month old because she just passed out on my lap and slept nearly the ENTIRE 5+ hour ride home. incredible. Thank You Jesus.
The sickness continue with a few more throw ups back home but the point is, we made it back home. Then Aveda so graciously shared her tummy bug with her big brother Tagen. But it's all behind us now... which maybe you can understand why only now am I able to write about it.

the whole fam...

so some of you say we put lots of great pictures of the kids on this blog but none of mama and papa... soooo, these are what i could find of us... a family photo - courtesy of our good friends katie and daniel who are visiting right now... and some of daddy teaching tagen how to surf. tagen was so excited to be standing up and surfing in the shallow waters of Poipu. Until the surfboard got kicked out. Apparently surfboards aren't allowed there. oh well - it was fun while it lasted!

tagen train surfing